Keep on keepin' on

One year ago today it was confirmed our lives were to change for the unforeseeable future. We had plans to go to the pub that evening for a last “hurrah” before death loomed, but chose against it. We had warnings...from Italy, from Spain...about what awaited us but no one could be prepared for what unraveled. Everything that consisted of our daily life was stripped away - queuing to buy groceries, no doctors appointments (more than a year and counting for me - I need regular blood tests due to my under active thyroid), no pubs, eating out, live gigs, theatre, sports events, travel, no hugs, seeing friends, and loved ones. No freedom. Everything that is essential and had been a fabric to our beings all stripped away in a single moment. For a global citizen, it was a horrendous feeling.  

And then the deaths...mere weeks into it, we lost our friend who worked in a shop 2 doors down from us. Death, surrounding and suffocating us. I didn’t want to leave the house, even for the allotted exercise or grocery shopping as everyone presented a  danger. Lockdown 1.0 - we buckled down, we video messaged friends and there was an air of triviality to it. Zoom pub quizzes became the norm - a welcome distraction from the horror. Reuniting with school mates - everyone was in the same boat...for a short while.  

We moved to the coast for more space and respite...turned out to be the worst infected area in the entire nation. Just our luck. We hermited, we saw very few people over the course of a year, gave probably 5 hugs with masks on and held breath.

My super precious (handicapped) brother spent 9 days in intensive care, fighting for his life and he somehow managed to fight off Covid, pneumonia and all sorts of other side effects. I called the hospital every day fearing the worst only to hear these incredible, incredible nurses tell me it was a pleasure caring for him. I thanked them in tears every phone call. Thank God for the NHS or just thank the NHS!! Insane heroes.  

 

Many countries moved on, and we were stuck in the horror of the daily death tolls...then Captain Tom - a shining light, bringing hope to a hopeless nation, fell to the evil virus himself.  

 

Over 125,000 deaths+. Soooo much grief, so much sorrow. Shared, as a nation. As a world. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been adversely affected by this evil monster. Covid. And then lies have been spread about our only shimmer of hope - the vaccines. Samuel and many others have had the Oxford-AstraZeanica vaccine and they're alive. protected and well. This thing is more than real and the only way out is the vaccine, unless you’re happy to live in a bubble for the rest or your lives. Embrace every moment, cherish life and tell your loved ones how you feel.

We are now over 4 months into Lockdown 3.0 and are counting our lucky stars because we are ALIVE. ✨

For Smokey...

It's been one year today since we blew up our London lives and decided to give everything up (including the best cat ever) to travel and experience the world again. I’ve given up countless houses and cats over the years but these were finally my very own. There has been severe heartache, regret, soul-searching and sleepless nights. I didn’t know how heart breaking giving up my own home (finally and against our will) would be. For a TCK especially, it was devastating. Some days I’m still reeling from that...overcome by a deep sadness, and that’s okay. It’s more that we didn’t get to enjoy the finished article before putting it on the market that was, and still is, deeply painful. Our blood, sweat, tears and laughter are all over that flat. It was our home.

And yet, the world is my second home and I will always feel a sense of belonging to remote corners of this great planet. Which is where we find ourselves today. The Gili islands of Indonesia...I was first here 15 years ago with Ben and parts of my spirit are scattered all over this beautiful nation, full of smiling people. 

We worked bloody hard to save up for this trip, but as every TCK knows, you’re always sacrificing something. In many ways we are rich; we have traversed this planet to the point of exhaustion this past year. 20 countries, 42 flights, 67 beds. We have seen great things and felt flashes of true happiness. We have felt alive and wanted more of this free, bohemian lifestyle. But today of all days, it’s important to take stock of what we left behind. And shed a tear. For Smokey...

Goodbye Lorena

Last week I was devastated to learn of the passing of an incredibly beautiful, unique and precious soul and dear friend. She helped me invaluably with "Home Keeps Moving" and was one in a million. She was a free spirit. May you rest in peace Lorena. You are, and will forever be missed 

Her forward for my book:

Foreword by Lorena Smith 

"I grew up much like Heidi, hovering between several cultures, travelling often, struggling with faith and questions of identity, home, and belong- ing. My mother is Swedish, my Dad Sri Lankan, and my schooling was all over the place, partly at Hebron School in India, partly in Sweden, partly in the US. To complicate matters more, I married a TCK from Ecuador/El Salvador, with roots in California. We’ve lived everywhere from Romania to the UK to Connecticut. 

As our world grows smaller and smaller, the tribe that is TCK’s and ATCK’s grow larger and larger. And yet the questions still remain for most of us: Where do we belong? How do we fit in? In a world where people put cultural identity and national citizenship in the premier place of personal identity, where are we? 

As I read Heidi’s book, I was so struck by the way in which I identified and recognized myself in her descriptions and analysis of TCK’s. Her story, in some measure, is the story of every TCK, whether missionary kid, or army brat, or diplomat kid, or anyone else. 

If you are a TCK, you will recognize yourself and, as I did, breathe a sigh of relief that your experiences and feelings are, after all, universal. If you are a par- ent, please read this book so you can know what we are and will be going through. And if you are anyone else, those who love us, our friends or coworkers, please read it, because it expresses things we are often hard pressed to put into words. 

On the whole, the lives we live, the places we go, and the things we see, teach us that people are peo- ple everywhere. As you read this book, one of my dearest hopes is not only that you will understand this tribe we call TCK’s but that you will also decide to experience what we have—new cultures, new homes, and new people and discover our world. 

We will probably run into you somewhere along the way, in Lebanon, Latvia, or London. Come say hello."  💔 

G

 Painting: "The Dreamer" by Alain J. PicardH


H

HKM GIVEAWAY!!

I'm doing a house clear-out and have copies of Home Keeps Moving with *slight* minimal imperfections but would hate to throw them away. If anyone wants a free signed copy and is happy to pay postage, please email me at: homekeepsmoving@gmail.com 

:)

Lost thoughts....

This was written some FIVE years ago and I still find myself in London....and the sentiments have amplified in that time. More on that later....

For quite some time now, I have had a strongly negative reaction to returning "home" at rhe end of a day. I always jokeingly call it my prison but there is quite some truth to that. I am locked behind its bars from morning to late afternoon without anything to do, anything to live for. I feel helplessly trapped with no vision or drive. They call it "writers block"...well, I have been suffering from that for close to 19 months now. Ever since I finished my first book, I have been turned off writing like never before. The thing I keep coming back to is that I am completely and absolutely UNINSPIRED in my every day life so how can I hope to breath life to a new work? If one isn't happy and content with their surroundings, then how can art blossom?

That is the bottom line. I am not happy. I have dreams and goals for my life but don't seem any nearer to attaining them. Every year is but  mere reminder of the fact that I am no closer in reaching them.

My heart aches for the unloved, the neglected, the unwanted yet here I sit in my comfortable Western "castle" wasting day after day. I need to go. I need to do something.

I used to resent this restlessness that came as a result of my upbringing but now I have come to love and cherish it. For it is the marker that tells me when I am not fulfilling the goals I should and it continues to awake me from the Western slumber that doesn't even suit me. It does not let me rest. It does not let me lie.

Strange, small world

Having remained quite disconnected from the internet in connection to Home Keeps Moving recently, it was quite startling to come across this today. Shame they got some of the details wrong but hey...the internet is a weird and wonderful place! Enjoy and Happy New Year! ;)

More from me soon, I promise...

It's okay to like where you live...

I wrote a guest blog post for a local website on why I love where we live in London. Check it out:

Falling In Love With Tooting: A Guest Blog by Heidi Sand-Hart.

I first fell in love with Tooting whilst sitting in Sarashwathy Bavans, enjoying a masala dosa that transported me back to my childhood.

I grew up in South India for five years, surrounded by Tamilians – both Sri Lankan and Indian. The memories conjured up over that dosa made me feel at home and homesick at the same time. Back then my husband and I lived in “white, safe” Southfields and only ventured down Garratt Lane when I needed an “India fix”. More than once we breathed a sigh of relief at leaving the madness of the Broadway which we viewed as quite chaotic at the time.
Merely two years later we were excited Tooting homeowners, primarily due to how much more bang we got for our buck in Toots!


Continue reading here !!

Citizenship troubles...

The BBC has run a few articles this week about people giving up their nationalities for tax (and other) reasons. It reminds me of how I nearly lost my Norwegian citizenship two years ago...

My relationship with Norway has always had its complexities but because of my father, I was given Norwegian citizenship at birth. I travelled the globe on my Norwegian passport despite only living there for a year and a half (when I was 16).

It was while living in Canada (age 20) that I first realised it wasn't so simple. I was trying to renew my passport at the Norwegian consulate but they would only give me a year's extension. I learnt that for Norwegians born abroad (like me), there was an application process that needed to be done before turning 21 to keep your citizenship.

The summer before I turned 21, I visited my parents (who were living in Norway at the time) and slightly nervously went to the passport office. No questions were asked and they issued me a new 10 year passport immediately, a very good thing since otherwise I would have been stateless!

I completely forgot about the episode but decided to apply for dual citizenship while living in London a few years later. Mostly, I thought it would be cool (and useful) to hold two passports and I'd always felt more British than Norwegian. I got my UK passport without a hitch and life continued.

In 2011, however, my Norwegian passport was up for renewal again. Early one morning, I went to the Norwegian consulate in Knightsbridge thinking it would be plain sailing. How wrong was I?! I suppose it didn't help that I chose to speak English (a trait I've possessed since childhood, much to the dismay of my Norwegian relatives!) but the women were rude and hostile and continued to speak to me in Norwegian. I had my photo taken, finger print scanned, handed over the money and went on my merry way.

It was only when I returned to pick up my new passport that I realised those early complications of my transient upbringing were back. The lady told me that they were trying to contact the head of police in Stavanger (where my last passport was issued) to confirm whether I had applied for the right to keep my Norwegian citizenship. This all was news to me! Apparently I was supposed to have applied for the right to remain Norwegian before I turned 19 - during which, I was living in North America and my parents in India. 

She asked if I had applied and I told her I think my dad did it for me but I couldn't remember. She asked me for the paperwork to prove it which I said I couldn't provide. She told me to get it from my parents, at which point I gave her a little breakdown of the complications of locating a piece of paper while most of your possessions are in boxes scattered around the world! She told me that unless the proof could be found, I would lose my Norwegian citizenship. I could not believe it. That a nation could take away your nationality! That you had to apply to keep your citizenship and that they PUNISHED people for being raised abroad! I was gobsmacked. I always had my British passport to fall back on but I was quite hurt with the way I was treated by my fathers homeland. And their inability and lack of desire to understand a TCK/global upbringing. It was as though I'd betrayed Norway by growing up somewhere else - a decision of course, that was out of my hands.

Luckily for me, the chief of police in Stavanger came through and for some reason confirmed that I was living in Norway when I turned 19 (not entirely true but I did spend my birthday there!) and all was well. So my Norwegian citizen status remains intact and I have my shiny new passport...although for some strange reason, I haven't used it since...


Note: This drama occurred a few months before the Oslo terror attacks, which helped soften my heart to Norway considerably. You can read that entry here (it was actually published by The Telegraph).

TCK Art

Really like this and wanted to share it: so creative!!

East Meets West: An Infographic Portrait by Yang Liu

The artist and visual designer Yang Liu was born in China and lives in Germany since she was 14. By growing up in two very different places with very different traditions she was able to experience the differences between the two cultures first-hand.

Drawing from her own experience Yang Liu created minimalistic visualizations using simple symbols and shapes to convey just how different the two cultures are. The blue side represents Germany (or western culture) and the red side China (or eastern culture):

Lifestyle: Independent vs. dependent

                                                Attitude towards punctuality

                Click here to see the rest!!

New excellent resource

I am honoured to be quoted in this fabulous new resource for the expat/TCK world by Linda A. Janssen.

I have only started reading it but can already see that it is crammed with incredible stories and tools for transient people. Anyone who has experienced difficulties connected to a move will find this a comforting and resourceful companion.

The Emotionally Resilient Expat - Engage, Adapt and Thrive Across Cultures by Linda A. Janssen can be purchased on Amazon.

Good TCK definitions?

Some good TCK definitions?

Saudade - "a longing, a melancholy, a desire for what was and something that really won't ever be again."

Sehnsucht - "the inconsolable longing in the human heart for we know not what."

Know any others?!

"Points of Origin" short-film

A really interesting TCK short-film by Erin Sinogba. Definitely worth a watch!

My favourite quote: "I find that being TCK makes me much less interested in Filipino culture, much less interested in American culture and way more interested in the base line humanity that connects us all. What joys do we share, what pains are universal?" - Pauline. 

Watch it now: 

Rest In Peace Laura Waite

LAURA WAITE: 1920 - 2013

On Saturday evening, my wonderful English grandma Laura passed away. I mentioned her in "Home Keeps Moving" when discussing the unique relationships TCKs form to adopted grandparents. She always felt like my blood-grandma since she was there right from the beginning and was ever-present in my life. Laura used to spend the weekends with us when I was little and take the 4am play-shift with my eldest brother Samuel so my parents could catch up on sleep. She cared for all three of us Sand kids like we were her own and taught us so much about English culture. Laura was ever-present in my life since birth, writing letters to me in India and sharing phone calls and visits in the UK. She did all the things grannies do and showered me with nothing but love and laughter. 

She had a major stroke just before Christmas and managed to hang on for more than two weeks despite getting pneumonia and then kidney failure. This is testament of one of the strongest women I know...a complete fighter despite all the hardships life threw her way. I managed to go up to Nottingham and see her three days before she passed away and the first thing she did was ask how my family was despite being in excruciating pain. That is Laura. 

As with everything in TCK life though, the complexities are great. She means the world to me and my family yet we aren't close to her immediate family so it will feel strange at the funeral being surrounded by people who don't know me or how much she meant to my family. My parents are in India at the moment and Ben in South America which makes it feel even more isolating during this time of grieving.

Still, this is the time to acknowledge what a privilege it was to have such an extraordinary woman in my life, to have shared life with her and to call her my grandma. May you rest in peace, you mean the world to me.

Airports and home...

As you may have noticed, I was recently featured in a TCK short-film: "I am home: thoughts of a nomad". Not all of my transcript made the cut so here is the full version, in two parts:

Home

"Home is the red earth and mountains of South India; the smell of tea plantations and eucalyptus trees being kissed by monsoon rains. It is having a delicious feast of curry and chapattis at 10 o’clock in the evening, being waited on by attentive, loving Asian ladies in England. It is summers spent traversing through beautiful Norwegian meadows, drinking from waterfalls, eating grandma’s home-cooked food....armed with the spirit of freedom and adventure. It is the exhilarating midnight run from a steaming sauna into a crystal clear Finnish lake. 

Home is a feeling that doesn’t come around all too often.

Home is motion. Home is change. Home is a contradiction. I feel more at home in chaos and dirt than order and cleanliness. I feel at homehere, there, and everywhere yet belong nowhere. 

I don’t have a special doll from my childhood or clothes from when I was a baby. I have lost a little more with every move. All I have to hold on to are photographs and memories, but even they fade with time. 

Home is a place within me that my heart always longs for. A treasure I’ve never found. A myth that is spoken about with such ease and normality yet something I can’t even put my finger on. Home keeps moving."

Airports

"Departures. Arrivals. Farewells. Hello’s. Tears and Laughter. 

Airports encapsulate the emotions of my life.

So many of my childhood memories are intertwined with airports, so much of my life has been spent in random terminal buildings. 

The moment I enter an airport, I flick in to autopilot and am embraced by a sense of familiarity and safety. They are portals to the outside world. A gateway to freedom. The possibilities are endless, the world at your fingertips. Airports propel us onwards, to the next chapter of life. And in that motion, I find comfort. In the transition, I find home.

Airports breed stories. Everyone has one whether they are leaving or arriving..."

"I am home" London screening

"I am home" (short-film by Anastasia Kirillova about being a modern-day nomad) is being screened at Brixton's Ritzy cinema on the 22nd November 2012 here in London. Ana has been nominated for a cinematography award and she really deserves it. 

Tickets are on general sale at: http://www.underwirefestival.com/ai1ec_event/looking-glass/?instance_id=109

You can watch "I am home" at Ana's website or here: http://vimeo.com/39100216

"I am home", TCK short-film...

Finally, it is here -- my acting debut! A brilliant short-film by Anastasia Kirillova
about being a modern-day nomad. You can watch "I am home" in the film section of the below website:

http://bonnieparker.tv/home/

"I am home" has been nominated for a cinematography award at Underwire festival and will be showcased at the Brixton Ritzy cinema in London next month. Very exciting...I am honoured to be part of this incredible project!

Enjoy and let me know what you think...

Master Tonic - bye bye colds!

I have just completed my first batch of "Master Tonic" (also known as Winkie Juice to Ywamers). It is one of the greatest natural remedies for colds, ailments, infections and illnesses. It is known as a modern day plague tonic. You can of course use it as a preventative and I intend to test it this winter to keep colds at bay.

I first heard about it 13 years ago from a speaker and chemist called Winkie Pratney. The taste isn't everyone's cup of tea but the health benefits are so worth it.


Here is the recipe:

Ingredients:
1 bottle of unfiltered, organic apple cider vinegar
Equal parts of fresh:
Ginger
Garlic
Onion
Horseradish root (couldn't find any myself, so just used jar stuff)
Hot chillies (habenero, scotch bonet, seranos, indian, etc)

- Dice all of the ingredients finely (you can even blend them) and fill 3/4 of the way in an airtight jar. Fill to the top (leaving an inch) with apple cider vinegar.  
- Let it marinate together for 2 weeks in a dark cupboard, shaking at least once a day.
- Strain out the veggies and fill into airtight bottles. 

It lasts for up to a year in a dark cupboard or in the fridge. Take a tablespoon once a day, or 4-5 times a day if you're sick. Good luck...let me know if you try it! :)

Indiahhhhh....

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY 

INDIA!! 

HKM 2nd Anniversary...

Just over two years ago "Home Keeps Moving" was released into the world. Thanks for all the wonderful e-mails, support and help in spreading the message of Third Culture Kids further. 


It's been a beautiful journey so far...long may it continue!

GIVEAWAY!!

Want to win a signed copy of "Home Keeps Moving"?! 


Check out my interview with Drie Culturen and comment for a chance to win:


http://drieculturen.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/its-my-blogs-birthday-lets-celebrate.html